Tag Archives: kindness

My piece on being kinder to ourselves this year (Rapport, January 2018)

Quick Tips Be Kinder to Yourself Jan18

Has beating yourself up every other year WORKED? How about experimenting with some kindness, acceptance and self-care this year?

You can read the whole thing by clicking this link: Quick Tips 57 Be Kinder to Yourself 05

What helps YOU?

Feel free to share below.

love,

Eve

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Happy Random Acts of Kindness Day!

Happy Random Act of Kindness Day

The world could definitely use more kindness. What might you do tomorrow if you want to accept the challenge of Random Acts of Kindness Day?

Whatever you choose (and it may be that you feel you’re running on empty and the kindness thing you can do for yourself is to opt out for today), notice how it feels to seek opportunities to be kind to yourself and to others.

How does it impact your mood?

How does it affect your feelings about the world at large?

Feel free to post (thoughts and actions) below.

love,

Eve

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Safety pins and self-compassion

safetypin

What a week!

Apart from here, the floods in Ghana, attack in Turkey…

There have been high emotions in the aftermath of the vote. I’ve shed a lot of tears, hearing about the increase in racist attacks, wanting to connect and collaborate with the world at large, not be cast adrift.

Also, respecting the democratic process and knowing we’re all doing the best we can with what we know at any given time.

A lot of us are struggling with our sense of identity.

I’ve been clumsily attempting to be super friendly to people who look like they might be not from here.

Then, to increase the strange looks resulting from my beaming at strangers in London and Essex, trying to be extra friendly to everyone.

Being naturally more introverted (I think I’m an extraverted introvert), I’m sometimes exhausted by it all.

In attempting to be more smiley to people, I’m no longer hiding behind books and newspapers on public transport but making eye contact (the horror! Joke – it’s actually refreshing), I’m remembering that the heartbreaking stories are far from the big picture.

Still, what could I do to (without freaking anyone out by being too smiley), help others feel safer?

I was delighted to hear about the safety pins being worn to show solidarity with immigrant communities (again, as the daughter of an Irish and Indian, via Kenyan, immigrant, it feels a bit odd to show solidarity with myself so am aiming for some self-compassion rather than beating myself up for all the times I’ve cried or welled up since Friday).

The safety pin is such a great example of someone doing something simple to stand up (quietly and maybe not even needing to stand up at all) and say racism is unacceptable. And I can dial back my beaming at people so minimise the risk of freaking strangers out by being potentially over friendly in an effort to compensate for a tiny by vocal minority of racist individuals.

I’m also aware of the reports of Muslim women being targeted more than men (sexism as well as racism) and talk of older people being accused of voting badly and the need (my name is Eve – am still working on my overdeveloped sense of responsibility for the whole world), recent progress for gay and trans rights and desire for everybody to be safe, free to flourish, able to be their glorious wondrous selves without fear of attack.

Is there something you’ve been feeling hopeless and helpless about?

What is something small – safety pin tiny – that might help you begin to remember that no matter what’s going on around you, everyone is doing their best?

Feel free to comment below.

love,

Eve

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Do you use ‘positive thinking’ as a stick to beat yourself up with?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/freedigital photos.net
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/freedigital photos.net

Positive thinking gets such a bad rap. I hear clients (and others) dismiss their (sometimes big) woes saying, ‘I know I should be positive/grateful etc.’ So not only are they struggling with the woe but they’re effectively using ‘positive thinking’ and (negative) thoughts about how they ‘should’ be thinking as sticks to beat themselves up with.

This Huffington Post piece explores positive thinking and some of the myths.

In your own life, you may want to be mindful around it and just notice your natural thoughts. Which ones do you judge to be positive? What do you consider to be negative?

There might be times when noticing a negative thought encourages you to do something differently (change that relationship/job/world). Other times, even when things are far from positive, you may be heartened by your increased capacity to remain OK.

It’s like the Serenity Prayer, ‘Grant me the courage to change the things I can change, accept the things I can’t change and the wisdom to know the difference.’

And noticing all the times you naturally feel good, positive and so on will help you simply identify all the fantabulous things you’re already doing and build on that.

But you may want to change the question/judgement from, ‘Is this thought positive?’ to ‘Is this thought kind?’

When we combine kindness and self-compassion with positive thinking, we can move mountains. The mind is an amazingly powerful tool.

Metta x

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Clarity with clear quartz

ClearQuartz

If you’re interested in crystals, you may want to start by exploring clear quartz. Often neglected as not as exciting or pretty as some of the other stones, it remains one of my favourites.

I’m writing about it today because, having been working with a clear quartz crystal for a couple of days now, I’ve been reminded by how powerfully it can cut through all the confusion and help us see things more clearly.

I don’t want to limit its uses to clarity (like all stones, clear quartz has many talents – each particular rock will have its own energy although many will share certain characteristics. The way it’s treated (left natural? Cut and shaped?) will also impact it so, for example, a sphere is likely to bring a softer energy than a wand) but clear quartz, well, rocks.

It can be (energetically) as sharp as a surgeon’s scalpel. Yes, the incision will need time to heal but wow, look how what needed to be removed has been excised!

Clear quartz’ stony siblings (amethyst, rose quartz and citrine) bring their own spins on the energy. Amethyst can offer a softer energy and is great for connecting us to our spirits, rose quartz can be a wonderful emotional salve and citrine can offer a citrus like burst of joy and optimism.

In terms of helping me see things more clearly (and deciding to take action), this clear quartz has been a wonderful gift. And yet, sometimes, not seeing things clearly has its compensations. It enables us to stay comfortably miserable or simply mildly dissatisfied. We may feel our heart sinking or know that we’re moaning but forget that we have the power to change things.

Of course, once we know what needs to change, we need to use our will to change things. And to temper that, we need to use love, too (kindness, compassion and acceptance both with ourselves as we take what can feel like scary steps and the people we’re dealing with).

Whether or not your clarity has come from meditating with crystals (or meditating at all) or a simple flash of insight, how can you best honour your new knowledge?

What baby steps can you start taking today? And how can you be as kind to yourself (and others involved) as possible as you go through this transition?

If you’re interested in finding out more about working with crystals to create the life of your dreams (not nightmares), check out my special New Year’s Eve (daytime) workshop to help you release all that’s holding you back and move into 2014 feeling lighter and more focused.

Metta x

Image (c) Eve Menezes Cunningham 2013

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